i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
