apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize