dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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