I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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