Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
