We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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