on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
