why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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