So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
