Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
