i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
