just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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