The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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