Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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