he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
