I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
