The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
