He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The ass gains better be worth it
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