he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
