Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
