I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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