At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
