he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
