you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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