My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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