haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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