you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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