omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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