If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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