Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
