when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
