I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
