I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
