I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
