I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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