I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
