Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
