i wish starbucks made bloody marys
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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