Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
