my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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