the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
