Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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