Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
