Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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