i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
