New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
