Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
