I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize