I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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