Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
