haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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