I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
