His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
