Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
