remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
