I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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