you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
