please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
