And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
