No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
