Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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