I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
