i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
These tits shall not be calmed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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