do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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