Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's the barista slut.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
