I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize