just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I checked into jail on foursquare
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
