the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
