there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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