Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
