Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
