Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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