I puked a lego.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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