he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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