I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
