last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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