I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
